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[itsnotaonesie]

Hey! This is Peter. Leave a message, you know how this works. I'll get back to you as soon as I can, if I don't break my phone. Big if.

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[casualryder]

[For a moment Scott is at a loss for words. He simply turns to face the frozen tundra as well, silently letting those words echo in his head. But he realizes there's one thing he's sure of.]

Don't be. I'm glad you did. Keeping this kind of thing inside can tear you apart, trust me on this. [He rubs at the back of his neck and laughs humorlessly.] Sometimes I'm a hair away from curling up into the fetal position myself.

[It's not a lie but that's mostly meant to lighten the mood. That doesn't mean he's good at it. Either way, he keeps going.]

The point is; it's normal, it's fine. It doesn't make you weak. Regardless of armor, super powers, age, or physiology, we're all vulnerable.

[itsnotaonesie]

[It may not have lightened the mood by much, but it does prompt a small, brief grin from Peter. He knows that feel, bro.]

I get what you're saying, and I mean, it's not wrong? I don't think my problem is... I'm not afraid of being weak sometimes. Everyone has moments like that, and that's fine. My thing is... I have these abilities, these powers, right? I can do stuff that's kind of insane, and I feel like I have a responsibility to use these powers to help people. That means I have to be on top of my game, I don't have an excuse not to be. People shouldn't be getting hurt or dying because I reacted too slow, it's just not acceptable. I can't let myself be vulnerable, because it's my job to protect people.

[casualryder]

Peter, you can't possibly live up to these standards you're putting on yourself. No one can.

[Sometimes Scott wonders if he should feel guilty when he recognizes his own limitations, given what he's been charged with doing. But moments like this...seeing it from the outside, from someone he considers a friend, maybe he really shouldn't.]

You're going to wear yourself down like this and you won't be able to help anyone.

[itsnotaonesie]

[Peter doesn't respond right away, he's too busy weighing Scott's words against his own... perhaps unreasonable expectations for himself. Scott's definitely right, if Peter keeps expecting more and more of himself, eventually he's going to burn out. At the same time though, if Peter had just been a little faster, maybe he could have saved Delight. If he'd just been a little stronger, maybe he could have stopped Thanos. If he'd just pushed himself a little harder, everything could have turned out so much differently, and maybe he wouldn't end up laying awake every night questioning his every move.

Eventually he breaks the silence, finally turning to look at Scott again.]

I... I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know if I can justify just... slowing down when things get bad. Like, if something bad happens that I could have prevented, I feel like that's on me.

[casualryder]

It's not slowing down.

[He makes sure he's firm when he says that, even if being firm isn't exactly his speed.]

You're handling things the way you should, you hear me? You're doing good. But just because you're doing good doesn't mean everything is going to work out in the end. You can go out there and be the absolute best you can be and it's not always going to work out. Sometimes you get thrown a massive curve ball and there's nothing you could have done differently to change the outcome.

It's not on you. This wasn't on you.

[itsnotaonesie]

[It's as firm as Peter needs right now, at least. He already has a lot of experience with exactly the sort of situation Scott just described, but the reassurance that it really wasn't on Peter is helping. Even if Peter doesn't entirely look like he's accepted it. He's considering it as a possibility, and that's progress.

Delight wasn't on him. Thanos wasn't on him. Peter's going to try his best to believe it.]

Yeah, I... I understand. I do.

[casualryder]

[...He's not used to that working, in like, any capacity. But he's glad that he seems to have gotten through to him, even if only the smallest, tiny bit. That tiny bit just might be enough to at least get him started in the right direction. Scott knows it's not going to be easy. But the first step is admitting that maybe not everything is your fault, right?

He gives Peter a light pat on the shoulder.]

You're not alone in this. Remember that.

[itsnotaonesie]

I know, man. Thanks.

[There's still a lot of thinking he needs to do before he's got this all sorted out, but his head's in a better place than it was before. Peter isn't quite feeling better about everything, but he's at least feeling okayish enough to make a dumb joke so here goes]

...Is this the part where we're supposed to hug it out or whatever?

[casualryder]

[Good. Joking is good and Scott feels relieved that Peter feels ok enough to do that. He doesn't want to push too hard but he also wouldn't feel right if he left this conversation without any indication that it helped at all. But there was a glimmer of something, so he thinks it's safe moving on right now. Peter will definitely need time to sort through whatever he's feeling.]

We could, but fair warning, my hugs turn into headlocks about eight-five percent of the time.

[He's joking but he's also 100% serious.]

[itsnotaonesie]

[He'll figure it out. Or something else will come along and scar him horribly before he gets a chance to. That's how we do.]

You couldn't keep me in a headlock if your life depended on it, but good to know.

[He too is joking, but he's also 100% serious.]

[casualryder]

[No, everything is ok now and it will continue to be ok.]

...I hate that I can't even dispute that.

[He's not freakishly powerful no fair.]

But if you weren't freaky strong I could totally keep you in a headlock.

[itsnotaonesie]

[lmao oh it sure will buddy.

But the good new is, Peter's cheering up a bit. He even manages to laugh a little.]

Okay, I'll give you that. If I was normal, you could totally keep me in a headlock.

[casualryder]

Thank you. [He laughs lightly in return as he glances back over the frozen lake again.] My ego survives another day. Sort of.

[Just kidding he has no shame admitting that Peter could kick his ass three ways from Sunday if he wanted. It's part of the boy's charm, or something.]

So. How're you feeling "city messing with your head"-wise right now? The lake seems like a decent enough distance away from everything.

[itsnotaonesie]

[Yeah, "charm", we'll go with that.]

Better. I mean, I don't feel super great, but I think it's safe to assume that it's me not feeling super great and not the city messing with my head and making me feel not super great. Which... I'm gonna say is a good thing, because at least I know it's me?

[casualryder]

[Scott doesn't respond straight away, mostly because he's trying to follow that in his head. But he gets it after a moment.]

Yeah, makes sense to me. [He snorts a small laugh.] If we're all going to feel like shit it should be on our own terms.

[itsnotaonesie]

Okay, cool. Because I was starting to thing that I sounded crazy. I wouldn't be surprised if I haven't gone at least a little crazy by now, to be honest.

[this joint isn't really so great for the ol' mental well being, after all.]